Swimmer here, swimmer there, oh my there are swimmers everywhere!
Six in the morning what a great time for practice,
Six in a lane oh how tightly they packed us,
And the bottom of the pool was as green as a cactus,
But not even the jagged lane lines could distract us!

Practice ended after what seemed like days,
Together we left, we stumbled away,
Only to come back seven hours later, still tired and dazed.
This endless cycle would continue for the rest of our summer days.

Come afternoon the pool looked like a jungle with all of the trees, horseflies and rain;
A horsefly flew over and bit a swimmer in my lane!
“Ah! ‘Tis but a flesh wound!” he said of this bane.
He continued to swim he must be insane!
Lightning struck nearby, ’tis a common occurrence,
We got out quickly to spare the pool owner’s insurance.
We did an hour of dryland, such unequivocal pain,
So much work, but it’s all worth the gains!

Summer was ending and the time for taper came,
With shorter practices came energy my body could reclaim.
I packed my swim bag and stuffed my suitcase,
I picked out the perfect suit for a race!
I got in my car and drove three hours on the highway,
And I arrived at hotel for the meet the next day.

‘Twas 5am the next morning when I woke up,
I got out of bed and poured juice in my cup,
Wait… that wasn’t juice! That was shampoo in my cup!
I stumbled around and tried not to throw up.
I held my eyes open but my vision began to change,
The next thing I know I was on the floor feeling quite strange.

My eyes opened and I was blinded by light,
I looked at the clock- three hours had gone by!
In a panic I grabbed my bag and sprinted to the pool,
As I ran into the meet late I must’ve looked like a fool!
Over the speaker I heard, “Event 6 to the blocks.”
Oh no! I was next but I was still wearing socks!
I searched my bag for my suit but it was nowhere to be found!
Then I realized it was my suitcase not my swim bag, on the wet moldy ground.

My heat was on the blocks, there was no time to waste,
So I left all my stuff and ran with great haste,
There was a beep from the starter and from the block I sprang,
Still in all of my clothes, I started to race.
I could tell from the way I felt I was not going very fast,
But I thought to myself, “whatever I do I must not come in last!”
I hit the wall hard and looked at the scoreboard as fast as I could,
7th place (of 8) I beat someone I knew I would!
As I began to celebrate out of the corner of my eye,
I saw lane 4 had been empty and I tried not to cry.
As fast as I could got my stuff and left that place,
I couldn’t let anyone know that I was the one who came in last place.
I put on sunglasses, a fake mustache and a hat,
Even after what happened at that meet I keep going back,
And now I always wear a swimsuit just incase, even when I’m class,
And so ends the story of how I came in LAST.

Written by Jesse Hagy