The Loch Ness Monster
No one is really sure if the “Loch Ness Monster” is part of the team or not. This swimmer only shows up to practice every other month or so. Even if they do show up, they have a way of blending in with the water that causes some people to dismiss their sightings as “just the wind moving the water.” Some people don’t even believe the “Loch Ness Monster” exists. But swimmers will report seeing a glimpse of this creature sitting on the bottom of the pool or hanging out in the bathroom. If this swimmer shows up at a meet, no one is sure who it is and its appearance prompts swimmers and parents to say, “Is this a new swimmer on our team?”
Imagine driving a car with only two gears; you either go a speed of one mile per hour or one hundred. That is exactly how the cheetah swimmer operates. This person is a menace during warm-up because of their tendency to either stop up the lane or swim over everyone. At one moment, the coach will call this swimmer out for being lazy, and the next, the swimmer is beating everyone to the wall in sprints. If the coach signs this swimmer up for any race over100 yards at a meet – and this swimmer would never voluntarily sign up for a “distance” event like the 200 free – teammates must endure long complaints. Things like, “ugh I will never make the 200” and “the coach hates me.” And then of course after the race, the cheetah declares, “I am never doing that again!”
The otter would rather play around than swim laps. If there’s a moment in practice that most swimmers would consider a “rest,” the otter grabs his bottle filled with ice cold water and the swimmers in the next lane are met with frozen rain. And once the all of the water has been unleashed upon his fellow swimmers, the empty bottle is used as a football to be thrown five lanes down at an unsuspecting backstroker. Otters tend to group together after practice and can be seen ripping caps by filling them with as much water as they can or by dropping a cap filled with water on another swimmer’s head. The otters on the team are the first to hit the diving boards when coach allows it. They can be seen doing back flips and belly flops, causing the lifeguards to scramble for waivers. Otters are fun to have on a team but they keep everyone on edge because no one knows whom the next prank victim will be.
Blind as a bat and as deaf as a bee
The bat/bee swimmer is on every team. This swimmer can’t find their swim bag, their goggles or even sometimes the pool. This swimmer also never hears the coach even when the coach is yelling through a megaphone. The bat/bee is constantly asking lane mates what the coach just said and the coach frustratingly telling the bat/bee swimmer over and over again what to do. This swimmer is the one who stands up on the blocks looking confused at meets when the buzzer goes off and the rest of the swimmers are already in the pool.
This swimmer never stops talking. Teammates dive under water to start the next set but when the set is over they find the hyena is still talking as if they never left the wall. The hyena is often responsible for the keeping the team in great shape, as the coach gives more difficult sets and little rest or “chat” time in an attempt to keep the hyena quite. The good thing about having a hyena in the pool is every practice is unique and exciting no matter what the main set is because the hyena also knows all the swim team gossip.
Written by Jesse Hagy